...

Hmm... Now,
it's not I don't wanna talk to you.
I didn't get a chance to.

我不值得。

不要把我这么好，我不值得你这样做.我没有你想象的那么好，也没有那么善良。
我所做的一切，连我自己都不知道我到底是不是我心里真正想做的。 
我开始不确定自己的感觉，自己的想法。
突然觉得自己不像真正的自己， 觉得自己很假， 甚至觉得自己好像骗了别人那么久。 
想要变回我所谓真正的自己，也试过很多次想要跟你说。 
但是，我开不了口。
所以在这里说比较好吧。
我还是比较适合过我自己一个人的生活吧，也可能是我习惯了一个人。
我不知道我到底是怎么了，竟然做了那么多我不可能会做的事， 变得不像我。
但是我知道我不可以再继续这样下去了。
我不可以再继续过着这种不像我的生活，不可以再让别人认为那个就是我。
我不是会相信童话故事里完美结局的人， 所以我不会再做我所谓“不像我做的事”了。
所以，不要再对我那么好了。 我会内疚的。 
你要怎么样怪我都可以，但是不要因为我而让你难过， 
因为我...真的不值得你这样。 

Holiday.

Argh. Sick at the very first day of holiday.
Caught fever yesterday and still coughing now.
Other people were sicked during the exam and I am sick now.
Always wanna spoilt my holiday -,-
It's okay. Not gonna let it ruin my holiday which i have waited for so long.

Gonna be isolated from school and spend the whole holiday with my family.
So. Maybe I won't be onlining for a long time.
And don't worry if you can't find me, I will be "dissappearing".
Maybe you can't find me even through phone, i meant my mom's lar.
Cause she may won't be with me the whole holiday.
Gonna go to Johor this holiday and to Penang the next weekend after the holiday.
That's it. Gonna have a rest now. Still coughing D:

Meaningful.

 Saw this somewhere and i think it's kinda meaningful.

So True.

I really thought of this many times weih. I mean going back to childhood again, when we used to wish that we're already adults and can decide on our own, when things are not so complicated, when we don't really remember things. Heard of someone said this before:"Children have short term memory lost, they forget things easily. Maybe that's a gift for them" But we can't go back anymore. If I would go back, I would choose to do the same things all over again, maybe? But there's some of it I would change my decision. Well, those things that I've regret for doing.But:

"Everyone want's happiness. Nobody want's pain, but u can't have a rainbow without a little rain.."

So, we can't be happy without something sad and we've did and regret for that.

Fail to emo.

Well, I always failed to be emo. When I have a feeling "I don't wanna talk to anyone today, I just wanna stay quietly today. I got no mood." ,I always fail to do so. Because when my friends talk to me, I'll start talking alot again. ;D Is it a good thing or bad thing? But when I was talking to then and laughing, I felt like it's very very fake weih. It seems like I look happy and having fun talking to friends and laughing like crazy, but I felt sad inside. And when there's noone there, I'll be emo-ing again. Maybe I'm too good in pretending :p I got acting skills? ;D LOL, I think I just don't want other people especially my friends to be sad because of me. I think it's unfair to them. I just want them to be happy always (: Being emo is a very bad way to cure your sadness, you are just gonna bring sadness to everyone by doing so. If you can just pretending and be optimistic, but don't keep everything in yourself lar, you can say it out, you'll realize everything is alright after some times. Time can cure almost everything, I said almost. ;D Not everything is as serious as you think. If you got problem, just tell your friends or family and smile as if it's nothing really serious, and continue to be the normal you ;D It works on me (:  Lol, this is like a counselling session weih. ;D

Trying hard to change.

I am sorry if I've hurt you. I never meant to do so. I really don't know it will hurt you. I should have to ask more until you tell me what happen, but I didn't. I have to admit that I was kinda sad when you told my friend instead of me, but I know you just wanna tell me through her and I am the one who didn't care about you. And that line.. I don't think you just suddenly think of it and said it out, i really think you meant it. Maybe my friend was right. i'm pretending that I don't care about you because I don't want you to know that. And about the incident, I can't tell whose fault is it because I never witness anything.  I just don't want you to be involved in this kind of things because you could be hurt.

To everyone, please do tell me when I did something bad to you or anyone else. I don't like guessing whether it's my fault or know it through other people. I am not blaming you btw, but I just wanna let you know, tell me  if i've did anythg bad kay? I really don't know about it if you don't tell. I know maybe I can't accept it at the moment you tell me but I'll try to and change it. (:

Memories.

It has been a long time since last post  ;D
Oh  yeah, forgot to say. I went to the lianhuanhui (:
And It's fun , kinda crazy that night ;D Glad that our performance is considered as successful ;D
And the other performances are awesome weih. :D
There was a prank session and I took the balloon and i kena prank. I was the only one among the form 4s weih.   When i heard about the prank, i was stunted weih. And when i was doing, they are screaming  so excitedly -,- Btw, sorry for involving you :p
Well, after the lianhuanhui, when i was waiting for my bro to fetch me, I took alot of picture and here they are (:

Btw, that was the best weekend i've ever had.
Because of the lianhuanhui and my dad came back. :D
Thanks for giving me such a good memories (: <3